It’s time to start moving on.
I won’t find what I’m looking for here.
Posts tagged daily epiphany.
The biggest and best lesson Neil has taught me is the importance of admitting when you’re wrong.
Not just knowing it and feeling it but outwardly expressing it. Owning up to mistakes and expressing regret for them and genuinely trying to be better.
Shrugging off the ego shouldn’t be so hard, but it is. I suck at it.
I’m going to try to be better now. That’s what I wanted to say.
so thank you. and I’m sorry.
I’m browsing a travel website and noting that I could write articles much better than what I’m reading.
This is good. This is hopeful. I could do this. I could be good at this.
You know how, when you think about your awkward, painful childhood years, you wincingly wish you could visit your younger self and assure her that things would turn out okay?
The trick is, I think, to realize your future self will feel the same way about the present… and to try to channel that message now, if you need it.
Here’s the thing.
- I’m white, middle class.
- I’m young. I have at least fifty years to go if I’m lucky.
- My birthplace happens to be a leading world power with (seemingly) unlimited resources.
- I happen to be alive in a time and place where, as a woman, I am (comparatively) free.
- Not only am I ‘educated,’ I’ve learned enough about history and society to have a solid idea of what is and isn’t important or worth my time/energy/money.
This is a recipe for an extremely lucky life… one at which millions of humans have never had a chance. What reason should I ever have to give up?
I just need a little more time. Once I hit my rhythm, world, watch the fuck out.
I am a presence on this Earth.
I am allowed to be a Presence on this Earth.
currently having marvelous drunk/high conversations with Neil on his couch.
note to self: this is why.
fucktheground asked: there are just too many girls in this world who talk down about themselves. I've distanced myself from people who are always pulling the "i'm so fat, blah blah blah..." card. If you aren't happy with your body, change it. but do it in a healthy way with proper dieting and exercise.
I think most women generally "fat talk" in order to get compliments from their friends and family. To have people around to tell them "please, girl! you aren't fat at all." I'm not into that. A woman needs to have the confidence in herself to not need constant approval from other people.
I really have no point here. I'm just tired of the ladies hating on themselves. ya dig?
I know exactly what you’re saying. I’m sure we’ve all been around plenty of girls who fish for compliments when it’s clear that they actually think pretty highly of themselves.
…wait a minute. Is that true? Or is that just shit from movies that we’ve internalized? I mean, how often do we really come into contact with that stereotypical girl who makes annoying, meaningless comments about her body just for compliments? Everyone probably does it from time to time, but there aren’t that many women who are dumb enough to live their lives that way, are there? Am I just lucky enough not to know any of them? Maybe I am…
Or maybe it’s weird to distance ourselves from other women because we think they’re somehow more annoying or less self-aware than we are. I guess I’m thinking this way because of an article I read a few days ago —> “Females: You Just Can’t Trust ‘Em and Other Lies Women Believe.” The gist of it: “Let’s revisit and revise the messages that we got from our personal experiences, men, and even the women in our families that told us not to trust other women.” Read the whole thing. It’s pretty interesting.
Anyway, that’s not the tangent I want to go on right now. What I really want to talk about is dismissing women who do decide to make comments about their bodies — whether the comments seem sincere or not. I don’t think it’s cool to dismiss fat talk. You know, just in case. Sometimes girls bring up shit about their bodies because something really is bothering them; even if it’s brought up in a nonchalant or joking way, there might be a tiny bit of worry behind it.
Maybe sometimes girls beat around the bush and are reluctant to talk about insecurities simply because that fucking stereotype exists. We are aware of it and we don’t want anyone to think we’re just seeking reassurance — as if seeking reassurance is even a bad thing. What?! Of course it’s not. We all need it. Yeah, the ideal is to eventually be able to love yourself regardless of what others think of you… but that’s the end result of a long process, and part of that process is receiving loving compliments from others.
We’re all tired of ladies hating on themselves. It’s nonsensical. But women are going to continue to hate on themselves until they’re able to talk it out. I don’t know that it’s possible to eliminate Fat Talk without embracing it first. Let’s not look down on women who admit they have body issues — let’s give them a chance to talk about it freely. Yes, that means having real conversations about body image, which not everyone may be able to do. Some people may only be capable of expressing their feelings through whiny, annoying remarks. That’s okay. Give those girls a break.
Meanwhile, let’s give women a chance to speak up about the things they love about their bodies and what they hate — and most importantly, why. When you look at it from this angle, I guess the Reflections Program/Fat Talk Free Week is lacking. We shouldn’t refuse to allow girls to Fat Talk. Asking women to stop making comments about our bodies kind of makes it seem like we’re at fault for thinking poorly of ourselves. This doesn’t address the underlying issue, which is why we’re hating on ourselves in the first place. We should be acknowledging the societal values which force Fat Talk into our conversations instead of just spreading awareness about Fat Talk itself.
If we really want women to feel empowered, we should encourage one another to address our insecurities, to assert our right to receive compliments, and to fight against the motherfucking Powers That Be who tell us what we should and shouldn’t love about ourselves.
I had no idea my brain would take this so far. Apologies. Preachiness is by no means directed at you, Jamie. Thanks for inspiring my revelations, yo.
drunk Tonya is happy Tonya.
Seriously though, so happy. We were talking tonight about how we want to make our lives meaningful. I honestly feel that mine is meaningful; I could die tomorrow and be really happy with what I’ve done so far. I’ve generally been a good person and done good things. I’ve loved lots of people and tried my best and I’m truly satisfied. Of course, I wouldn’t be happy about dying tomorrow, because I feel that I have a lot more to accomplish. But I think I’ve done a decent job so far.
Above all, I’m my own person. I don’t copy off of other people; I do my own thang. I do what makes me happy, not what I think will look cool or impress people. I don’t talk and talk about myself and the things I’ve done; I’m quiet about things and people are surprised when they find out more about me. I quite like that. Highly recommended strategy.
Since I’m drunk and rambling, I’ll admit: I miss my mom and dad. I couldn’t wait to get away from home but I do miss them. Sometimes I wish they were here just so they can appreciate shit that’s going on. For example tonight I ate macaroni and cheese with pepper in it. I hate pepper and I never do that but my dad does so I tried it in his honor. And today I went to a crafty-type fair and wished my mom was there so we could be cheesy and shop at all the booths together. so cute.
Also I’ve been having relationship epiphanies. I’m certainly over the longest relationship of my life. I get that it’s over for good and I’m cool with it. At this point I’m not missing him, I’m missing the support system I had with him. That might sound shitty, but fuck it. It’s the truth and most people feel that way about their exes; at least I’m being honest. That’s all we usually care about anyway — how the other person makes us feel. I’m pretty much over that crap. Sometimes it’s sad to not have the one person who I can talk to about everything, but I really like it. I feel strong and independent and I know I can take care of myself. I don’t need to talk about every single thing that’s on my mind and I don’t need a boy who’s obsessed with me and will feed my ego. I’m just living my life and keeping shit to myself and it feels fantastic. And when I really need to talk I just talk to my best friends, which makes things even cooler. I don’t need to be in hardcore love or find the perfect man — I’m happy to love as much as I can right now while being realistic at the same time.
If I hadn’t dated Aaron last semester I never would have met Tiana or Kelley and they are seriously two of my favorite people in the world. I am so glad we’re friends because we fucking connect. And if I hadn’t dated him I also wouldn’t be as cool with Neil as I am right now. I feel like I’m doing things right and not giving a fuck and that would have been impossible if I hadn’t had such a stupid, fucked up relationship with Aaron last year. It was absolutely terrible but it was one of the greatest learning experiences of my life. I’ve grown so much as a result, holy shit. I don’t think everything happens for a reason… I just think things work out way better than I could ever expect them to. I’m so glad. I’m so hopeful for the future.
Don’t worry about anything, guys. Life is life is life. It takes care of itself and you will be taken care of. I promise.
LUSCIOUS CHAOS
I'm beginning to think peace is something
we made up to keep us from being satisfied
with all this luscious chaos
I'm a 22-year-old college dropout. My partner & I just moved to Portland from Illinois.
Life so far is a terrible wonderful adventure.
gpoy | alter ego | epiphanies | words
